I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
