Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
