Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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