hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
