Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
