Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
honey bunches of taint.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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