i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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