Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
