You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
