So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
