I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
