obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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