All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
