I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
