we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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