The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
