wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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