So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
