Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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