your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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