she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
