bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
