I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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