This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
