Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
