when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
