He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
