New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
