question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
