Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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