Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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