It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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