so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
