and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
