before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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