PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
