Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
