honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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