I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
