we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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