the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
