he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
