Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Oh god it's open bar.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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