I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
