you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
