You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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