you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
