i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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