Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
