I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
