Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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