So drunk its hurt
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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