i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
