ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
